Boundaries, Balance, & Business Bliss

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”   -Victor Frankl

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Boundaries are the foundation, the underpinning, to the ‘balance’ we seek, the belonging we crave, and the impact we’re here to make. Without boundaries, we’re building our business on a house of cards, easily disrupted by some hot air…

Boundaries are the bridge that connects us to our self-worth, and as a result, our net worth.

Here are three ways to help you across that bridge:

Boundaries & Self-Worth

…go together like peas & carrots.

Forget the question, “How would your friends describe you in three words?” The question to ask is, “How would YOU describe you in three words?”

The first question is about how other people view you. Far too often this is what we’re concerned with and focused on, and why our boundaries (and self-worth) continue to feel negotiable.

When we live life through how other people view us, we’re making choices based on how we THINK other people view us. This impacts our confidence, our choices, and (most of all) trust within ourselves.

We’re second-guessing ourselves before we even get out of the gate.  

How can we ever feel enough, that WE ARE WORTHY enough to take up the space we seek if we don’t ground our choices in self-trust and intuition?

From the quote at the top, in that space “between stimulus and response” a dynamic tension is created, inviting us to choose wisely so that we can move in the direction of our power, personal alignment, and greatest impact, rather than away from it.

We’re so focused on getting ahead or not falling behind that we forget we have the right to choose what we want and what we don’t want.

Focus on building your self-worth and your net-worth will naturally follow. Clear boundaries help to create, support, and sustain both.

Boundaries & Stress

Boundaries help reduce stress.

The challenge is, setting healthy boundaries can be a bit stressful! But it’s short-lived stress rather than the long-term stress of anger and resentment that can take over when we lack boundaries.

Up until just a few years ago, I was the queen of saying yes; doing for others first and putting my, and my business, needs on the back burner (as an aside, this is a very hard way to build a business…). It’s what was emulated for me growing up and the lens through which I saw and experienced life. Like gravity, it was there but I didn’t recognize it…it just ‘was’.

Continually adding to my already overflowing plate created a great deal of stress and overwhelm, and a healthy serving of resentment. I would then get pissy at the other person, all because I chose to say yes. Any of this ringing true for you?

Once I realized and owned that I am always at choice, I committed to choosing what brought me joy. This, ultimately, brought more joy to those important to me…and a lot less stress for everyone involved.

You know the old proverb, “hindsight is 20/20?” #truthbomb

Boundaries play a pivotal role in creating the work-life balance we’re so desperately seeking. With almost 1.8 billion searches on Google for work-life balance, there’s no arguing we’ve got some serious stress and overwhelm going on.

Establishing clear boundaries, and sticking to them, helps alleviate stress and frustration. They’re what support you to say no to what’s throwing you out of balance, or as I prefer to say, out of alignment.

Just because people want to put things on your plate because you’re good at something (or they just don’t want to do it) doesn’t mean you need to say yes.

Imagine what life will be like when you’re more empowered and less at the mercy of circumstances and other people’s expectations, needs, or demands.

Yes, there are a lot of things you CAN do, so the question needs to shift from “How do I achieve more” to “HOW DO I WANT TO LIVE?”

Kind of feels like a Calgon moment, right?

We all need space and support to do our best work. Boundaries help you find and connect with a community where you can be who you are and grow into who you want to be…a place where you can be seen, heard, and belong instead of pinching off parts of yourself to fit in.

Finding your Sisterhood, your community, will be critical to your thriving. We all need some #boundarybearing sisters around us.

Boundaries & Emotions

Expect disappointment and anger, but don’t accept it.

I call it, The Toddler Effect. You know that toddler in the grocery store who knows exactly what pitch he needs to reach to make the parent uncomfortable enough to throw him a candy bar AND bag of marshmallows to appease him?

When we start establishing boundaries and changing things up, it can unleash some serious emotions for the people around us. Again, expect it, but don’t accept it.

Be transparent in your new direction and boundary setting. If you’ve always picked up the kids after school or been the one to stay late and wrap up the project, you’ve agreed to participate in that dance. Be clear, intentional, and thoughtful when you share what you will do and won’t do, that’s your responsibility. HOW the other person reacts is not.

People are allowed to be pissed off or disappointed just as you’re allowed to align your choices, goals, and behaviors with the life you want.

Our boundaries are not about others. Ultimately, they’re about us. It’s our opportunity to align, or rather realign, with who we are and who we want to be.

Other people’s emotions are not yours to own or fix.

Communicating clear, effective boundaries will help you to unlock your most powerful potential, without apology.

Boundaries Bonus Point:

What one boundary would make the greatest impact on your happiness, and hence, success? And, when will you commit to it?

I’d love to hear what you choose. If you’re willing, comment below or shoot me an email!

Boundaries ARE the Bridge…