Boundaries. They’re critical in business and in life.
Why is it when we talk about setting and having healthy boundaries it makes people so uncomfortable … as if boundaries are a bad thing that only abrasive and self-centered people allow themselves to have?
Having healthy boundaries does not, I repeat DOES NOT make us a bitch.
In fact, they do quite the opposite. Boundaries allow us to comfortably be ourselves and take care of our Self. When living authentically you may bump up against someone else’s view of who you should be, but that’s theirs to own, not yours.
Boundaries allow us to claim what, and who is important to us. They allow us to own our self-worth.
We teach others how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves. When we have healthy boundaries, it shows others and ourselves that we have self-worth, self-respect and that we don’t allow others to define us.
When we lack boundaries, we often feel resentment, frustration, and anger.
It can make us scattered. It can erode a healthy relationship, be it with family, friends, co-workers, or even (perhaps especially) with ourselves and our business.
We not only have the right to set our personal and professional boundaries, it’s our responsibility to do so.
They’re essential for creating a healthy life, inside and out.
Boundaries allow us to be at choice about not only what we’ll do, but who we will “be” (to read more about discovering “who we are” click here).
There’s a reason why airlines tell us to “put your oxygen mask on first.” When you’ve given all you have, and there’s nothing left, how can that benefit anyone?
In my house, if Mama ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy. Can any of you out there relate??
I know when I set my boundaries aside, or they’ve been ignored, I get agitated … more with myself to be honest but it affects my energy and the way I show up doesn’t feel good. I feel as though I’ve given my power away, again, and wonder why I’m not able to trust myself, set my boundaries, say no, and be comfortable with it.
As Anne Lamott says, “No is a complete sentence.”
LOVE this statement. Learning how to say “No” is essential in setting healthy boundaries.
I’ll admit, sometimes it simply seems easier to “give in” and do what’s asked instead of saying, “No, that doesn’t work for me.” In the short run, things can be easier. But in the long run, we’ve just taught the other person our boundaries are optional.
It’s kind of like the short term gain when we give in to our kids at the grocery store and buy the candy bar to quit their whining. It works in the moment but we’ve just taught them a very valuable lesson … whine longer and harder and we’ll cave. So they up the ante each time.
I remember one of my private clients in particular who had difficulty setting her boundaries. She was working her butt off trying to make a go of it in her business, getting up early, working late, working all hours of the day, seven days a week.
As we stepped back and looked at why she wasn’t making the traction in her business that she wanted to (and by all means should have been with the number of hours she was working) we discovered she was taking on projects from clients that she really didn’t want to do but felt compelled to say yes to (more on our Inner Good Girl and how she gets us tangled up here). Her plate runneth over ….
She was spending about 80% of her time on projects that contributed to 20% of her bottom line, simply because she didn’t feel she could say no to the work.
Once she got clear on how this was affecting not only her bottom line but the time she had “leftover” for herself and her family, she decided to set some boundaries that worked for her.
She was able to focus on what it is she does best, and let the rest go. The work she produced was of higher quality and she created one hell of a niche for herself expanding her business AND taking time for what was important to her. All because she decided what she was willing to do, and what she was not willing to do.
And you know what? Her clients respected her for it.
In order to have healthy boundaries, we need to know and understand our limits. We need to know our values, our non-negotiables in life.
We need to cut in the edges, so WE know where our boundaries are.
It’s ok to give yourself permission to say no. Go ahead, you know you want to ….
When was the last time you slowed down and took a good look at your boundaries, or lack thereof, and how it’s impacting you?
What are you willing to say yes to, and what are you not willing to do?
Where are you honoring your boundaries? Where are they being stepped over?
What are you tolerating, and why?
I’d love to hear your comments. Are you ready to get clear on your boundaries, your non-negotiables in life and honor them consistently? Click Here to download an application for a free Clarity Consultation with me … let’s get you intentionally moving towards the life and business of your dreams, now!