Negotiating with Confidence
Negotiating with Confidence
As an entrepreneur or business owner, we’re negotiating for more than we realized…and the first negotiation always starts with ourselves.
Unhook From What Others Think: Mindset Matters
Mindset Reset
Ever get ‘hooked’ by what other people think?
Maybe you have a great idea for your business (or personal life…) but just can’t seem to implement it because you’re focused on the reaction or opinion of others?
As a 27-year entrepreneur, it’s something I’ve struggled with as I’ve scaled each of my businesses.
And, it’s a topic that comes up often with clients and people I speak with. I even wrote a blog about this a few years ago (read it here). The more connected we are because of social media, the greater our capacity for visibility & vulnerability, the more hooked (and overwhelmed) we can become by it all.
Doing the work necessary to build a business means we need to step into a new, larger space we haven’t occupied before. We need to do things we haven’t done, be visible in a way that may not be comfortable for us, try something new…and possibly fail. Let’s be honest, it can be a tad scary.
When we get hooked, we’re making an assumption about what someone may (possibly) be thinking, and then make choices in our business that impact our actions, our success, and self-confidence.
More importantly, those thoughts that stop us become a habit. Yes, we may place too much weight in what others (might) think, but we also get hooked by our own repetitive thoughts and beliefs about it all.
And, the 64K question is, what are the costs of this?
We undermine ourselves and our business BIG time. Mindset matters without a doubt.
It’s not that “success” is never getting hooked by others reactions, it’s about becoming less “hindered” or emotionally attached to them.
What really matters to you in the end? Creating the life and business you dream of, or never screwing up or possibly embarrassing yourself?
Our mindset directly influences our actions.
Let’s face it, putting yourself out there, trying something new, stretching beyond your comfort zone is something many people simply aren’t willing to do. So just the simple fact you’re willing to, allows you to pass go and collect $200. Brava. Kudos. Mazel tov. Seriously. Take a moment and pat yourself on the back. If you’re not willing to believe in yourself, how can you expect others to?
As Wayne Gretzky says, “You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.”
If we get tripped up before we even get out of the gate, we create (and experience) the failure we’re trying so hard to avoid.
That’s worth repeating…
If we get tripped up before we even get out of the gate, we create (and experience) the failure we’re trying so hard to avoid. This is why mindset matters.
Listen, we all have thoughts and feelings of self-doubt, fear, and a ‘healthy’ dose of self-criticism. It’s not the thoughts, but the beliefs in those thoughts, that ‘hook’ us by the ankles and stop us in our tracks.
Ready to unhook, own your brilliance and share your gifts with the world?
Here are mindset matters tools for unhooking (and it doesn’t include a pair of pliers, promise):
Where is it you get most hooked?
- What are you doing (speaking, submitting a high-end proposal, raising your rates)?
- Who are you with? Does a particular person trigger you?
- And, here’s the biggie: what’s the belief about yourself that are getting hooked?
- When you know what’s going to trip you up, you can devise a plan and be ready for it.
Connect to your values
…and the impact you want to make in this world. This will help you move out of second-guessing yourself and into forward moving action. When you know what’s most meaningful to you in the long-term, short-term decisions (and getting out of your own way) are easier.
We remember things through emotion…remember, mindset matters
When have you put yourself out there and been successful? Be sure to journal about these times so you can have them in your back pocket to lean into when needed.
We can always pull up memories of when we’ve made a mistake or embarrassed ourselves because we can viscerally feel it. Connect to your wins so you can feel those with all your emotions as well and empower yourself to move past your fears because you know you’ve succeeded in the past.
Have unhooking tools of your own? Do you believe mindset matters? I’d love to hear, please share in the comments below!
Riverbanks and Allowing Alignment to Flow…
Alignment Invites Flow
I recently spent some time in Maine celebrating the 35th anniversary of my family’s bakery and restaurant. Such a great time and what an amazing turnout- over 250 people came to celebrate with us! It was an honor to listen to everyone tell stories from over the years. It brought such joy to have my family together.
The picture below is from 1988 with my parents, sister, brother and his wife, celebrating an earlier milestone in the family business…and yes, that’s me on the left with the big 80’s hair!
On the drive back to Vermont from Maine, the event got me thinking about the importance of fluidity in business as a base for longevity, success, and fulfillment.
Being rigid and doing things because it’s how things ‘should be done’, or ‘it’s the way things have always been done’, doesn’t support our growth, work-life alignment, evolution, or (most importantly) joy in business…or our personal life.
If we’re continually working against our natural flow, attempting to swim upstream so that we can achieve success and experience fulfillment, it’s simply not sustainable. We eventually call uncle and wonder why it didn’t work out.
If who we are isn’t in alignment with what we do, we will continually struggle.
This made me think of a client I’ve been working with recently. He runs two businesses, is incredibly talented and extremely passionate about his work. He was getting caught up in the ‘shoulding’ of business.
- He should be more organized (in the traditional sense).
- He should manage his time better.
- He should know what to do when to do it, and how to do it…without fail.
- He should be more technical.
You get the picture. But here’s the thing, he was working hard to build his business from a set of ‘rules’ that didn’t align with who he is. He was struggling, not allowing his beautiful, creative mind to flow, to ALLOW.
We talked about the metaphor of a river bank and using the edges of the river to guide him, but not confine him. Creating an ebb and flow to his day, week, month, year that feels inviting.
Going with HIS NATURAL FLOW, instead of against it.
Life would be rather ‘beige’ and unexciting if we all approached our days in the same way, yes?
It’s the contrast, the learning…the unfolding that invites us to truly experience and expand.
As my client settles into doing things his way, owning his style of doing business, he’s finding the river banks an inviting place to slow down, relax, and relish, not something to avoid.
Alignment Activity:
I invite you to take some time to think about and journal on the following questions to help you find and stay in your flow:
- How do you stay in alignment with who you are as a business owner?
- Where do you get tripped up in the ‘shoulding’ of business?
- What beliefs would benefit you to let go of so that you can embrace ones that serve you and your goals at a higher level?
- And, who do you need to be to make that happen?
I’d love to hear from you if you’re willing to share!
Alignment Allows Flow
Give the Gift of Transparency
Give the Gift of Transparency
Communication is often an area where we trip up in business because it can feel uncomfortable to set structures and boundaries in place letting people know what our non-negotiables are.
You Can’t Keep One Foot on Shore and One on the Boat
You Can’t Keep One Foot on Shore and One on the Boat
In order to achieve the success we want, we need to be willing to burn the boat.