To be successful in both business and life, often the key is below the surface and we need to discover it to open the door on all that we desire.
“What’s your passion—your why?”
This is a question I ask women often. And it’s one of the most difficult questions for us to slow down and honestly think about and allow ourselves to answer. We hem and haw a bit, attempting to put into words what our calling is, where our passion lies … where it went.
It takes some serious digging to get in there and reconnect to what it is we love to do after so many years of putting others first; putting ourselves, our career, our passion, and desires on the back burner.
At an early age, we’re often taught (and rewarded) for putting others’ needs first and setting ours aside … we’re such a “good girl” for being so nice, being modest, for not being “selfish”, and not rocking the boat (read more about the Inner Good Girl here). We receive praise for doing things “the way we’re supposed to;” the way we’re expected to and not make waves. We become very good at doing for others and putting ourselves—our wants—after everyone else has been taken care of.
When I ask what it is that lights these women up—what fills THEIR bucket—a veil of judgement and lack of self-worth gets in the way of them connecting to what exactly that is. Judgement about what they feel they deserve, or the permission to want what they want.
As a coach, I find it necessary to have someone continually keep our wants, our desires, our values, in clear view … to always refer us back to our foundational Essence, our Self, in order to help us when we get stuck or lose our way.
My coach recently asked me to write down my “WHY” of what I do … the “Essence” of the work I do with my clients. She had me to do this assignment to become even more deeply committed to my work … to fan the flame of desire within my soul. Even though I’m extremely connected to my WHY, this was still a difficult and VERY thought-provoking assignment to put down on paper.
Slowing down and deeply connecting to my “Essence”—to my WHY—has been a nourishing experience. The women I chose to share this with have told me this is a powerful piece and it should be shared.
Mind chatter and vulnerability be damned … here is my Essence.
My wish is that it helps you truly connect to yours.
To teach women
That we are, in fact, enough …
- Good enough
- Smart enough
- Sexy enough
- Soft enough
- Strong enough
- Disciplined enough
- Driven enough
And that we aren’t …
- Too strong
- Too outspoken
- Too powerful
- Too smart
- Too loud
- Too quiet
- Too sexy
- Too “vanilla”
- Too driven
- Too big
- Too small
- Too … much
Do we really want to pretend to be someone we’re not in order to be liked, loved, accepted? To be (or appear to be) successful? Do we honestly want to spend our precious time and emotional energy on being someone we’re not in order to avoid possible criticism, perceived embarrassment, or any multitude of stories we tell ourselves could potentially happen?
Is it really worth living our lives according to what others expect of us, just in case our self-limiting beliefs may, by chance, be true? And, let’s be honest, they never are.
When we show up as someone else and pretend to be someone we are not, it’s not only exhausting, but how can we ever fully define, claim, and reach our dreams when it’s not actually “us” defining and acting on them?
When we release the self-imposed way we need to show up in order to not be evicted from our tribe, avoiding failure at ALL costs, and we let go of the mind chatter that does not—I repeat, DOES NOT—serve us in becoming the woman we intended to be, we can then embrace our authentic Self with love, compassion, and kickass mofo gusto.
From here, from THIS SPACE, is where we stop giving away our power, our voice, our truth, our worth … We stop leaving so much on the table, financially AND emotionally, and start living a life true to ourselves and not what others expect of us.
THIS, from this space, is when we are fully capable of creating the life we want as a woman, mother, partner, friend, entrepreneur. Intentionally. Confidently. And WITHOUT apology.
My Mission is to create a safe space for women entrepreneurs to show up, step up, and own their beliefs, their voice, their power, their worth … their truth in order to create the life they want as a woman and a business owner. It all feeds upon each other, it’s all exponential. Either way you go.
When we choose to shine our light brightly, people can choose to be illuminated by it, or be in its shadow … but let’s be clear here, it is a choice.
My clients WANT accountability; in fact, they crave it. They tell me time and time again, it’s the Tough Love With Love piece that drew them to me. They desperately want a safe non-judgmental space for us to “look at their shit” so they can finally own their story, change their beliefs, begin trusting in themselves (again), and start consistently growing their business.
They want me to hold the line for them so they can step up … over and over again; pushing further each time.
When we have someone who believes in us, our capacity to believe in ourselves expands.
Their defenses have gotten so effective over the years that few can peer in and see the “voice,” the mind chatter, that rules these women. But it does, and with an iron fist … it can be brutal and extremely debilitating.
They keep it well hidden underneath shame, safe from view, safe from judgement, and safe from criticism. Vulnerability is not an option.
Our work together gently and compassionately exposes the mind chatter for what it is (bullshit), releasing the white knuckled grip it’s had on these women for years so they can finally own the powerful beautiful Self they are.
This, THIS is my WHY ….
And with full transparency here, I speak from experience and stand alongside these women.
For many years the repetitive mind chatter that went on in my head had me “being” someone I simply was not in order to keep the peace, to silence myself and “take it” in order to diffuse anger, avoid criticism, or avoid being found out as a fraud; that I did, in fact, not know what the hell I was doing every moment of the day or every step I took in my business.
Playing small, quieting my voice, silencing my desires, and disconnecting from my dreams … all because of the stories that were playing in my head … that NEVER, EVER played out the way I told them to myself.
There were many times throughout the years I would discover myself being busy, oh so damn busy, creating something big “over here” but not actually doing the scary work of putting myself out there, sharing my gifts, my intelligence, my strengths, OR (especially) my weaknesses … as I mentioned, vulnerability WAS NOT an option. Smoke and mirrors baby, smoke and mirrors ….
Each time I discovered myself doing this I would take note. It was uncomfortable, yet I would label and notice my actions, what it was that had triggered me, and what it was that supported me. This simple tip right here, label and notice, has been immensely helpful along my journey of figuring out who the hell I am, my Essence.
Take the veil of judgement out of things and it’s amazing what you can discover.
And the relief. Ohhh, the relief. To show up fully, intentionally and to live authentically, now HERE, from this space is where your Essence will be found.
Go ahead, make a cup of tea, pour a glass of wine, close the door, put a Do Not Disturb sign up, put your phone on mute … grab a note book and pen, and get comfortable.
“The question isn’t who’s going to let me … it’s who’s going to stop me” Ayn Rand
So, what is your Essence—your why?
If time and resources were of no concern, what would you do? Who would you be?
Who are you being when you’re lit up, joyful, and fulfilled?
What do you need to let go of to bring more of this into your life?
What one step could you take today to connect to your Essence—your Why?
I’d love to hear your comments. Are you ready to stop giving away your power, your voice, your truth, your worth and stop leaving so much on the table, financially AND emotionally? Click Here to apply for a complimentary Clarity Consultation with me …let’s get you intentionally moving towards the life and business of your dreams, now!