Many of us are familiar with our Inner Critic, (I share more about that here ) but did you know that often, right alongside her is an Inner Good Girl and she can wreak just as much, if not more, havoc?
Meet GG. She’s my Inner Good Girl, and, damn, she gets a hold of my ankles with a white knuckled grip more often than I’d care to admit.
Our Inner Good Girl, our GG (some may even call her the Inner Bitch) can get us all twisted up doing things that we don’t necessarily want to do or need to do … things that don’t bring us closer to the life we want as business owners.
Yet, for some reason we so often feel we “should” say yes to what’s asked of us … feeling the pressure to be a good mom, loving wife, competent business owner, attentive friend, and active community member (oh, and making it all look easy). Should-ing all over our Self, may I say, is never a good way to get ahead. Trust me.
AND, let’s admit it, it can be exhausting carrying around the weight of it all.
Our Good Girl usually starts when we’re younger, when following the rules kept us in the good graces of those in authority … we got really good at figuring out what the authority figures (parents, teachers, bosses) in our life wanted then. We adapted. We accommodated. In turn, we’d receive praise, a pat on the head, a gold star, or maybe even avoidance of someone’s anger.
A perfect example of how the Inner Good Girl can affect the way we show up in our business is found in one of my former clients, Sofia (though not her real name, she did give the green light for me to share her story so other women may benefit from her insights). Sofia was dealing with a Hulk of a Good Girl as she worked on growing her business and stepping into the limelight.
Sofia is a driven thirty-something entrepreneur. She’s in business with two other people—both men with resumes that clearly convey their experience.
Now, Sophia is an amazingly brilliant young woman who wanted to be a Rebel and a Revolutionary in her field … she had the education, commitment, drive, and intelligence to be exactly those things, and more. Yet, there was something that kept her from doing what it took to harness this power.
Sophia was constantly busying herself with lots of work but, more often than not, it wasn’t the work that would move her closer to Rebel and Revolutionary status. In fact, it kept her back. Again, she had all she needed to step into these roles and OWN them. Lock. Stock. And Barrel.
She knew she needed to make space in her life for her creativity to surface. For her Revolutionary ideas to come to her. For the book she had in her to be written. For the software she wanted to create, and for that Rebel to show up and kick butt.
Sophia knew this, yet she kept herself chained to her desk only allowing herself to close her computer and step away from it to be creative once she had finished the work she deemed as more important to check off her list. This led her to feel agitated, frustrated, limited, and certainly didn’t do the relationship with her husband any good either … it was a vicious cycle. Hard to show up and be a Revolutionary when you’re tired, frustrated, and feeling limited.
When Sophia and I first met, she described this amazing business she wanted to build with her partners, as well as an image of the woman she wanted to be in this business. At first glance, it looked like Self-Doubt, the voice of the Inner Critic, was the beast she needed to tame. Yet, as we started to work together and got clear on what she wanted her business and lifestyle to be—how she wanted to show up in the world, it became so obvious that she was actually HIDING behind her Good Girl.
Together through coaching, we uncovered that Sophia was brought up being told:
- Good Girls don’t speak up.
- Good Girls don’t call attention to themselves.
- Good Girls don’t boast, flirt, or make waves
- Good girls perceive what others need and adapt to it.
WOW. Sofia’s Inner Good Girl had her all tangled up, holding her back from stepping into the powerful and bold woman she is … one that would most certainly be a Rebel, a Revolutionary, and easily create that life she wanted as a business woman that she so often dreamed of.
How could this vibrant, intelligent, driven, entrepreneur be a Rebel and Revolutionary when she was told it wasn’t “pretty” or acceptable to be so? Literally, it wasn’t pretty. WE CANNOT ATTRACT TO US THAT WHICH WE DISLIKE.
Once the sirens went off for Sophia and her inner light turned on, she started to see that each time she got stuck, she was busying herself with things that looked important but didn’t move her closer to her goals because she was being a Good Girl: not speaking up and not calling attention to her brilliance.
She was able to see what was going on for her when she quieted her Self, and is now able to lean into this bigger space instead of hiding within her Good Girl.
And did I mention, she’s a Rebel, a Revolutionary, and well on her way to her dream?
So, where might your GG be showing up and sabotaging your dream? Take a few moments to ask yourself these questions and journal what surfaces. And, when you’ve explored enough, please reach out to me here, Lisa@LisaDanforth.com, so we can quiet that GG and step boldly toward that dream.
Where is your Inner Good Girl getting you tangled up and bogged down?
What are some of her beliefs that no longer serve you? What new beliefs could you replace them with?
What do you need to let go of to start moving past your Inner Good Girl?
What’s the first step you could take that would that would move you past your GG and closer to your dreams?
I’d love to hear your comments. And if you’re ready to move past your Inner Good Girl and start doing what it takes to create the business and lifestyle you want, Click Here to apply for a complimentary Clarity Consultation with me …let’s get you intentionally moving towards the life you want as a business owner, now!