Fear Regret More Than Failure

If you live your life from the perspective of fear, you don’t dare to push your boundaries. You stay with comfortable. Most people want more but their fear stops them from going for it. They don’t want to look stupid, or fail or make a fool of themselves.

But if we would take the perspective of a friend going for a raise, starting a new business, or taking their business to the next level, we would have so much more tenacity and compassion for other people. ‘They were driven’, we say. But when it comes to ourselves, that fear often keeps us boxed in.

Fear is Temporary 5.7.16Not doing the things you really want to do keeps you small. Not being who you really are, keeps you trapped. Doing, being and having more stays at arm’s length when you are staying small. Regret can come in many different forms – but regretting that you didn’t push your boundaries is one of the biggest regrets people have when they reach old age.

I had a children’s clothing company that I owned and operated for eight years. I started it from scratch. In the beginning, it was fun, exciting and great to build and learn new things. I was hiring reps, getting international sales as far as Japan, and across the U.S. But over time, the tail was wagging the dog and I needed to expand or cut back or sell or close.

Did I really want to stay in this business? I needed to make a decision to stay or grow. Growing meant investing more money and getting a facility. The business had momentum and it became my persona. I was the woman with the clothing line. But it wasn’t hugely successful and that fear of not being hugely successful kept me in it. As opposed to moving on, it came to the point where I dreaded each day and felt I was just slogging through. Finally, I knew it needed to be closed or I needed to sell it. I did wind up selling it to one of my employees.

Now, I own a catering company. Again, it at some level defines me and there’s an expectation that I should stay in it because I’m really good at it. I am faced with the same problem, but this time I’m wiser. I don’t want to stay in it until I’m unhappy. And so I’ve made the decision to move on, to go for what excites me, even though I’m fearful of what’s on the other side of this choice.

I want to be great at something. Personal coaching excites me and I’m going to jump in without a net. I’ve chosen a date to step out of catering, and I’m moving forward with my coaching practice in my spare moments and it feels good. I like change. Staying present with myself enhances my clarity of purpose.

I chose to fear regret more than failure, and it’s working for me.

The Sage & The Saboteur

How Do you Define Yourself?

We act consistent with who we believe we are.  For example, if you are an Olympic athlete you do everything possible to stay consistent with that identity…you live into that belief.  You get up in the morning, you train, you eat healthy, you spend time with like-minded people, you believe and act as if an Olympic athlete.  It becomes your persona.

We also act consistent with who we believe we are even if that belief is not true.  Someone who believes they aren’t smart enough or capable enough often lives into that belief as well.  They tend to not stretch themselves or push beyond their own self-limiting thoughts… they live into who they believe they are and stay safely within the restraints they’ve defined for themselves.

Our perceptions are our realities.

What we believe to be true, is true for us.

There are two sides to this, just as there are two sides to ourselves. The Sage and the Saboteur. Some beliefs encourage and support us to reach great heights, and others keep us staying safe and playing small.

The Saboteur

Whether you think you can 7.20.16Our Saboteur is our ‘Inner Critic’ or ‘Negative Self Talk’.  It has all the reasons why we shouldn’t push beyond our comfort zone or stretch our ideas of what could be so.  It tells us why what we want is stupid, selfish, or even dangerous.  It keeps us ‘safely’ boxed in.  We all have a saboteur, or two.

Our Sage is our ‘Inner Authority’, our ‘Wisdom’.  It’s the voice that says Yes to our goals and desires.  It moves us out of inaction into positive action, allowing us to feel capable and worthy and living into the best expression of ourselves, unapologetically.

The thing with the Sage and Saboteur is that they are both self-fulfilling prophecies.

It’s important not to ignore the Saboteur though, even if we may want to. Our saboteur is there to keep us safe. It has knowledge to share and shows us where the pitfalls may be so we can navigate around them.

As we become more aware of the lens in which we see and live our lives, it becomes easier to tease apart our story of what our beliefs are and where they come from.  As my Shihan says to his students, ‘Watch the movie, don’t be in the movie’.  When we are ‘in’ the movie we rarely see the full view of what is going on around us making it difficult, or nearly impossible, to be nimble and adjust where necessary.

Saying to your Self, ‘That’s the way I’ve always been, That’s the way my parents are, OR That’s the way I’ve always done things’, is your Saboteur.  It’s keeping you staying safe and playing small.

The Sage

The Sage says ‘Yes you can, you have unlimited potential’ and helps create a belief for us to live into that potential.  Having belief in ourselves helps clear away the mind clutter that creates inaction, it moves us through fear and makes way for greater self-confidence.

What really matters? What is your story?

How are you interpreting your life? How are you staying safe and playing small?  Do you feel there must be more but lack clarity on what it is you truly want?

Are you willing to stay boxed in because you’re afraid to look Fear in the face? The Saboteur is active.

Are you feeling open, at ease and capable? This is your Sage.

The Saboteur says = Feel Fear – It’s better to be playing safe and staying small…. pain of the known is often so much more comfortable than the pain of the unknown.

The Sage says = Feel Freedom – Step into your power.  You are smart enough, you are capable, Go for it. Carpe diem.

Use your Sage to knock down the walls of your Saboteur.

Change your perspective, Change your reality.  Would you like to learn how? Send me an email, I’d love to chat with you about it.

I work with clients who are ready to shift their mindset to what’s possible when they Engage Their Sage and Silence Their Saboteur.

Email me at [email protected] to schedule a Free 40 minute ‘Stop Playing Small Laser Coaching Session’, or for upcoming Workshops and Speaking Events.