Get More Business By Understanding Your Inner Critic

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The “Inner Critic” voice that lives inside and gets louder, often as we come closer to our dreams, can either hinder us or help us grow our business. In my work as a coach, I’ve often come up against my own inner critic and help other women entrepreneurs understand theirs so they can move closer to making their entrepreneurial dreams come true.

I recently spoke with a woman entrepreneur about her desire to grow her business so she could quit her day job and focus on her dream of being a full-time entrepreneur. Her day job consumes much of her energy and time, provides little fulfillment, and doesn’t move her closer to her dreams.

To help her along the process of getting from where she is to her dream, I asked her where she wanted her business to be before she could confidently move into being a full-time entrepreneur. With her answer, she was super clear on what her income needed to be, how many events she would need to host to generate that income, and how many calls she needed to make to book those events on her calendar. Clarity around what she needed to do to grow her business was not her issue but there was something just under the surface of her clarity that was … her inner critic.

As she described her business and what creating this business and lifestyle she dreamed of would give her, she became instantly connected to her “Why.” She realized her dream of building her business was not only for herself, but for the women she would serve. She was grounded, focused, and downright joyful as she envisioned and talked about her life as a full-time entrepreneur, doing what she loves every single day AND making amazing money. It was obvious that her big “Why” lit her up, filled her bucket, and fed her soul.

Yet, when I asked her what she felt was getting in the way of creating this amazing business, she said when she sat down to make phone calls inviting women to book events with her, she “didn’t want to be pushy” and, therefore, didn’t always pick up the phone. She told herself she would “do it tomorrow” and we all know how that goes.

Self-Doubt, the “voice” of our Inner Critic, takes many forms

I know this well, in myself and in my clients, the weight of not wanting to be “pushy” and wanting to “do the right thing” is heavy and exhausting. She, as many of us, knew she had a gift to share but was doubting herself and getting stuck in the mind chatter. The doubt was her inner critic and by listening to it and believing it, she was not taking the action she needed (phone calls) to grow her business.

Why is it that when we have dreams and goals in our life, it’s so easy to let the mind clutter get in the way of us doing the things that move us closer to them? We often busy ourselves with many other “tasks” that keep us busy, but not necessarily moving us closer to the business and lifestyle we want for ourselves. We feel stuck, unmotivated, and, ultimately, too exhausted to get the right things done.

Self-Doubt, the “voice” of our Inner Critic, takes many forms and comes from people and places in our past. It can be so loud at times that it drowns out our dreams, desires, and our commitment to ourselves. It often shows up as fear of embarrassment, humiliation, rejection, criticism, or being abandoned by our “tribe.” It comes from a place of safety. It’s our hardwiring to stay physically safe (fight, flight, or freeze).

Listening to our Inner Critic isn’t the problem … making decisions from this voice is.

The problem with self-doubt in our businesses is it keeps us “stuck” and fearful of putting ourselves out there … so we end up playing small and wondering why we aren’t doing better in our business, career, or life, in general.

Our Inner Critic can motivate us at times … pushing us to be diligent workers, dotting our Is and crossing our Ts, but it can’t motivate us to be a game changer. That takes some risk.

The trick to moving beyond the Inner Critic voice that keeps us stuck is to first notice and then label when we hear these repetitive thoughts telling us we can’t or shouldn’t do something. It’s key that we move beyond the message to not do something because we’ll embarrass ourself. The secret is to listen, acknowledge it with “Ah, that’s the voice of my Inner Critic talking, not me.”

Then we take the step forward, do the thing that’s keeping us stuck, and step that much closer to our dream.

I’m writing to you today in spite of my own Inner Critic who told me, “You’re not a good writer and you don’t have anything new or inspiring to share … it’s all been told.” I noticed, I listened, I labeled it. I recognized that it was keeping me from my dream. My dream of connecting with you and serving you in my business as a coach. So, I took the step anyway and wrote this post.

I’d love for you to do the same. Explore your own Inner Critic:

•  What does your Inner Critic say? Write down some of its most frequently voiced beliefs.

 

•  How does it most often show up for you? Perfectionism? Procrastination? Avoidance? Another certification, class, degree?

 

*What is it costing you (physically, emotionally, and financially) to make decisions from this space?

 

* On a scale of 1-10 how committed are you to sharing your dream?

 

When we share there is an accountability piece that helps keep us motivated and moving closer to our dreams. Who will you share your dream, your vision with?

 

I’d love to hear your comments. And if you’re ready to notice, listen, label, and step beyond your Inner Critic, book a complimentary 50-minute Clarity Call with me and let’s get started creating the Business and Lifestyle you’ve been dreaming of!

Fear Regret More Than Failure

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If you live your life from the perspective of fear, you don’t dare to push your boundaries. You stay with comfortable. Most people want more but their fear stops them from going for it. They don’t want to look stupid, or fail or make a fool of themselves.

But if we would take the perspective of a friend going for a raise, starting a new business, or taking their business to the next level, we would have so much more tenacity and compassion for other people. ‘They were driven’, we say. But when it comes to ourselves, that fear often keeps us boxed in.

Fear is Temporary 5.7.16Not doing the things you really want to do keeps you small. Not being who you really are, keeps you trapped. Doing, being and having more stays at arm’s length when you are staying small. Regret can come in many different forms – but regretting that you didn’t push your boundaries is one of the biggest regrets people have when they reach old age.

I had a children’s clothing company that I owned and operated for eight years. I started it from scratch. In the beginning, it was fun, exciting and great to build and learn new things. I was hiring reps, getting international sales as far as Japan, and across the U.S. But over time, the tail was wagging the dog and I needed to expand or cut back or sell or close.

Did I really want to stay in this business? I needed to make a decision to stay or grow. Growing meant investing more money and getting a facility. The business had momentum and it became my persona. I was the woman with the clothing line. But it wasn’t hugely successful and that fear of not being hugely successful kept me in it. As opposed to moving on, it came to the point where I dreaded each day and felt I was just slogging through. Finally, I knew it needed to be closed or I needed to sell it. I did wind up selling it to one of my employees.

Now, I own a catering company. Again, it at some level defines me and there’s an expectation that I should stay in it because I’m really good at it. I am faced with the same problem, but this time I’m wiser. I don’t want to stay in it until I’m unhappy. And so I’ve made the decision to move on, to go for what excites me, even though I’m fearful of what’s on the other side of this choice.

I want to be great at something. Personal coaching excites me and I’m going to jump in without a net. I’ve chosen a date to step out of catering, and I’m moving forward with my coaching practice in my spare moments and it feels good. I like change. Staying present with myself enhances my clarity of purpose.

I chose to fear regret more than failure, and it’s working for me.

The Sage & The Saboteur

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How Do you Define Yourself?

We act consistent with who we believe we are.  For example, if you are an Olympic athlete you do everything possible to stay consistent with that identity…you live into that belief.  You get up in the morning, you train, you eat healthy, you spend time with like-minded people, you believe and act as if an Olympic athlete.  It becomes your persona.

We also act consistent with who we believe we are even if that belief is not true.  Someone who believes they aren’t smart enough or capable enough often lives into that belief as well.  They tend to not stretch themselves or push beyond their own self-limiting thoughts… they live into who they believe they are and stay safely within the restraints they’ve defined for themselves.

Our perceptions are our realities.

What we believe to be true, is true for us.

There are two sides to this, just as there are two sides to ourselves. The Sage and the Saboteur. Some beliefs encourage and support us to reach great heights, and others keep us staying safe and playing small.

The Saboteur

Whether you think you can 7.20.16Our Saboteur is our ‘Inner Critic’ or ‘Negative Self Talk’.  It has all the reasons why we shouldn’t push beyond our comfort zone or stretch our ideas of what could be so.  It tells us why what we want is stupid, selfish, or even dangerous.  It keeps us ‘safely’ boxed in.  We all have a saboteur, or two.

Our Sage is our ‘Inner Authority’, our ‘Wisdom’.  It’s the voice that says Yes to our goals and desires.  It moves us out of inaction into positive action, allowing us to feel capable and worthy and living into the best expression of ourselves, unapologetically.

The thing with the Sage and Saboteur is that they are both self-fulfilling prophecies.

It’s important not to ignore the Saboteur though, even if we may want to. Our saboteur is there to keep us safe. It has knowledge to share and shows us where the pitfalls may be so we can navigate around them.

As we become more aware of the lens in which we see and live our lives, it becomes easier to tease apart our story of what our beliefs are and where they come from.  As my Shihan says to his students, ‘Watch the movie, don’t be in the movie’.  When we are ‘in’ the movie we rarely see the full view of what is going on around us making it difficult, or nearly impossible, to be nimble and adjust where necessary.

Saying to your Self, ‘That’s the way I’ve always been, That’s the way my parents are, OR That’s the way I’ve always done things’, is your Saboteur.  It’s keeping you staying safe and playing small.

The Sage

The Sage says ‘Yes you can, you have unlimited potential’ and helps create a belief for us to live into that potential.  Having belief in ourselves helps clear away the mind clutter that creates inaction, it moves us through fear and makes way for greater self-confidence.

What really matters? What is your story?

How are you interpreting your life? How are you staying safe and playing small?  Do you feel there must be more but lack clarity on what it is you truly want?

Are you willing to stay boxed in because you’re afraid to look Fear in the face? The Saboteur is active.

Are you feeling open, at ease and capable? This is your Sage.

The Saboteur says = Feel Fear – It’s better to be playing safe and staying small…. pain of the known is often so much more comfortable than the pain of the unknown.

The Sage says = Feel Freedom – Step into your power.  You are smart enough, you are capable, Go for it. Carpe diem.

Use your Sage to knock down the walls of your Saboteur.

Change your perspective, Change your reality.  Would you like to learn how? Send me an email, I’d love to chat with you about it.

I work with clients who are ready to shift their mindset to what’s possible when they Engage Their Sage and Silence Their Saboteur.

Email me at [email protected] to schedule a Free 40 minute ‘Stop Playing Small Laser Coaching Session’, or for upcoming Workshops and Speaking Events.