Self Growth |
“Nevermind, I’ll do it myself.”
I’m willing to bet you’ve said that, muttered that, or at least thought that, and probably more than a couple times. Maybe you’ve even joked, “if you want something done right, you’ve gotta do it yourself.”
But maybe that quip had the edge of truth to it?
Pause for a second and consider – do you need it done RIGHT? Or deep down do you really just need to know you did it YOURSELF?
“Perfectionism is a delusion that can rob one of a very successful, enriching life if not careful.”
-APRIL BRYAN
Why do you need control?
Many of my clients come to me stuck in their field of what they control. It looks a little different every time – one micromanages their team, another has overfilled their plate by never saying “No” to anything.
Control can be sneaky and deceptive; even when it starts out with someone or something else running the show. You’ve accepted everything a manager or colleague wants to move from their list to yours, you handle the details big and small, you secure the outcome you want or need – I’ve got news for you. That’s your control talking.
One of my clients started working with me because she realized she was doing it “all” – in her business, at home, and with her family. If something needed doing, she did it. This worked great for everyone around her, but it wasn’t going so well for her.
From one point of view, it was everyone else who was controlling her. Her day, her workload, her balance (or lack thereof) of self and others.
But at the heart of it, she was exacting as much control in the ways she could. By never saying “no” she was trying to control her image and what people thought of her. Taking on anything that needed doing – controlling the to-do list – meant being the best, doing the most, and never letting a ball drop or, God forbid, show how overwhelmed she was.
She wasn’t particularly happy, she wasn’t fulfilled. She was, however, frustrated.
So we set to work.
Think about what it means to “have things under control.” It’s handled. The outcome is predictable.
Having control lets you feel safe. And we ALL need to feel safe.
The trouble is, control isn’t terribly discriminating. Too often, control picks either the wrong target or an ineffective means. Maybe things at home have gotten a little crazy, so you double down at work. Or maybe you’ve made a conscious goal of excelling in your business, but that shows up as micromanaging and ineffective leadership.
How to get control over your need for control
The need for control can be paralyzing and polarizing. Both stop you from being the person you want to be.
To stop letting your need for control control you, you’ve got to understand it. And when you understand it you’ll be able to decide if it’s serving you.
Try starting here…
1. Ask yourself, “Is it control, or is it fear?”
If you’re feeling anxious about the future, the unknown, the world… you’re not alone. You’re DEFINITELY not alone.
But if you do feel alone, you can bet your overbearing friend, Control, is willing to be there every step of the way to keep you company.
It’s time to challenge your fear. Since our controlling behaviors are often driven by fear, we need to understand what it is we’re afraid of.
For my client with the never-ending full plate, it took some time to sort out what she was afraid of. She so infrequently asked for help that she had no clear sense of how her loved ones would respond.
In her business, we had to explore a similar problem. She disagreed with her business partner at times – but wasn’t even sure how to express her differing point of view, let alone come to a consensus. The fear of stepping on any toes or damaging a relationship is paralyzing for someone who finds safety in controlling what people think of her.
The trouble is, she also wanted to be seen as a leader in the business. And to do that, you have to confidently, compassionately, and proactively LEAD, even if sometimes that means having a disagreement or knowing someone is less than happy with you.
By controlling the details of her life, and by proxy, the dynamics of her relationships, my client was giving up control of so much else. Her happiness, her time, the bigger picture of her future… Her control was putting a bandaid on her fears. But between her fear and her control, she was stuck.
Getting unstuck meant we had to work on step 2, and get those uncomfortable (but productive) conversations started.
2. Check your communication style
We tend to operate as if we can control other people with how or what we communicate.
Unfortunately, this sets us up for muddling the message from the start. My leaders, particularly, struggle here.
It’s our responsibility to communicate clearly, effectively, directly, & respectfully… It is not our responsibility how it lands for the other person. We don’t control that. Yet, we continue to take responsibility for other people’s reactions and we let that impact how we convey what we need to say.
Are you afraid of how an employee will respond to feedback? You have (at least) two options. You can try to control how they feel (and how they feel about YOU) by blunting the message. Or you can do your absolute best to clearly convey your observation, your evaluation, and your expectations.
Are you more worried about how your team feels about a message? Or whether they know what to do with it?
(And as applicable as this is to the workplace, unclear communication and confusion carry over into personal relationships far, far too often, as well.)
As Brene Brown says, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”
3. Don’t let perfect be the enemy of the good
The reverence we have for perfect fans the flames of our control.
Yes, perfectionism will drive you to cross your T’s and dot your I’s, but at what cost?
Your instinct for control is whispering, “Just make it a little better – then you know you’ll get what you’re after.” But when perfectionism keeps you from hitting publish on that article, from going Live on social media to build your following, from inviting that “big” client to work with you, or applying for that high-level position you’d be perfect for with just a little more experience?
That’s when perfectionism is keeping you “safe” by avoiding what needs to be done. You’re eliminating the risk of rejection… but you’re robbing yourself of the opportunity for success.
If you find yourself in a perfectionism trap, start asking yourself, how is your perfectionism getting in the way of you being the leader you want to be… how is it impacting your team? Your relationships?
What do you want instead?
Get clear on who you want to be. Identify the actions that will have you showing up as him or her every day…personally and professionally. Then do it.
Go for progress over perfection. Perfection gets in the way of possible.
“Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it.”
-SALVADOR DALI
The opposite of control (Hint: It’s not chaos)
Giving up (or just easing up) on control feels like you’re giving up your certainty. Are you inviting in chaos?
Quite the contrary, when you give up control you’re setting yourself up to gain clarity – and be able to give the same to those around you.
When my clients struggling with control focus on compassionate curiosity for themselves and what’s motivating them, they begin to recognize when control is rearing its head. We develop tools and habits to choose a different response. We keep effort and action focused on their goals, not their fears.
In their homes, this can look like the simple shift to asking questions instead of giving orders. Inviting spouses and kids to the conversation shifts the dynamic and fuels intrinsic motivation.
In the workplace, my clients who want to become ex-micromanagers work on giving their team autonomy over their day and how they get their work done. With good leadership, this pays off. Daniel Pink writes in his book, Drive, having autonomy is one of the main motivators for intrinsic motivation – essential in a cohesive and collaborative team.
The heart of trading control for clarity is having graceful accountability for yourself. That can be particularly hard when you find yourself down the rabbit hole of control.
Don’t beat yourself up, and don’t let yourself off the hook. Ask yourself these 3 questions:
-
- What’s in my control?
- What’s out of my control?
- What do I partially control?
(For example, if you’re a part of a team, you control your contribution/actions, but not other members which can impact collaboration, communication, productivity… and can get in the way of a project being completed on time.)
Then act and react accordingly.
Control is a reaction to something bigger that’s going on. When you start looking for what that bigger thing is… that’s when you’re really on to something.
Self Growth |
Our busyness is costing us the future we’re working so hard for.
How can that be? If you do the work it’s supposed to pay off, and we’re out here working our butts off. That payoff must be right around the corner by now.
But take a second and consider – when was the last time you checked whether all that busyness was aligned with your business? Much less your goals, your dreams, and your life?
The key question isn’t “Did I do enough?” but rather, “Did I focus on what’s most important?”
How often do you feel like there’s never enough? There’s never enough time… money… support… sleep… etc. If you’re pushing yourself to move faster and work harder to find where “enough” is hiding, I’ve got a radical suggestion for you.
Hit pause. Do less.
In today’s busy, over-caffeinated, multitasking world, it’s a rogue idea to buck the trend of more, bigger, faster, in favor of the whitespace during our day to make room for less, but better.
And yet, “less, but better” might be exactly the solution you didn’t know you’re looking for.
My client Barbara came to me a few years ago because, while she was successful, she was also stressed out, burnt out, and maxed out, and she didn’t know how to change it.
Her days consisted of back-to-back meetings, lunch at her computer, and barely time for a bathroom break
There was certainly no time for thinking about the future or the past to reflect on what’s working, what’s not, and what needs to change.
She kept doing what she had always done, getting the results she’d always had, and she was not content with either.
Barbara’s not alone, of course. A 2020 Gallup study revealed that 28% of workers feel burnt out very often, or worse, always. And that number has been trending upwards in recent years.
When doing more is no longer a feasible solution, you have to consider the upside of doing less.
When Barbara hit pause she realized she never said “NO,” even when “YES” wasn’t adding to her life or her business.
It also became clear that there was one service she offered that was a true trifecta: it kept her the busiest, was the least profitable, and it was the least enjoyable for her.
She decided to take that offering off the table.
Adding more to your plate does not always add more to your life. In fact, it often creates the opposite.
3 Reasons to Unhook from a life of busyness:
Busyness Cost #1: Decreased Creativity
Our busyness diminishes our ability to think creatively.
We see everyone around us putting in long hours, working weekends, bragging about how busy they are. It can make us uncomfortable to not follow the herd. So we keep doing the same, hesitant to blaze our own authentic trail.
The good news is, although social pressure is real, its hold on us may be more tenuous than it seems. Psychologist Solomon Asch found in his experiments that when just one person in a small group goes against the majority’s choice, it can reduce conformity by up to 80 percent.
How can you reclaim your individuality and make the unique choices that serve your business and yourself best?
Buck the busyness and make some whitespace time to think.
If taking a “break” is still too uncomfortable, try what LinkedIn CEO Jeff Weiner does: he schedules thinking time throughout his day. (After all, if your calendar is still booked, you must still be busy!)
Scheduling time to think will help us understand if we want to conform or decide/create our own path. Taking time to think about our choices helps us to create the future we want, instead of what’s expected.
And when you have time to think, you have time to prioritize.
Busyness Cost #2: Self-Doubt
We all want to feel like we’re intentionally choosing our life instead of continually reacting to it.
So many of the people I speak with say they want more balance but they just aren’t sure how to achieve it…and they don’t feel like they have the ”luxury” to slow down and figure it out.
Can you relate?
No amount of hustle and grind feels like enough.
Soon enough, this morphs into a feeling that we’re not enough.
As a result, we can become consumed by creating “enough” and quickly lose our perspective of who we are.
We pack our calendars so full it’s physically (and emotionally) impossible to accomplish all we have on our to-do list.
So we start to lose belief in ourselves that we have what it takes to live the life we want, be the person we want to be, and experience relationships that nurture us rather than drain us.
Where are you living in a belief that you have to work harder, longer, faster, and better to achieve more of what you want?
Is it working for you?
Do you want something different?
You have permission to pause and figure out exactly what that is.
It’s too easy to get stuck in the gap between where we are and where we want to go, instead of looking at how far we’ve come and letting that feed our confidence.
High achievers are particularly prone to being in the gap.
Let’s change that.
Busyness Cost #3: Anxiety
Pausing can reveal anxieties. Pausing is not easy.
Simple, but not easy, and this can trip us up.
When we’re driving ourselves this hard it’s easier to ignore the underlying anxiety many high achievers grapple with.
Anxiety is so often about control. “Doing” means you’ve taken action and even if that action isn’t moving you toward your goals it could be quelling that anxiety. Temporarily.
Pausing feels like doing nothing, particularly to the anxious. It leaves room for the anxiety to start talking (or shouting) and running the show. “DO SOMETHING!”
When you subscribe to busyness you’re treating the symptom of anxiety, not the cause. Your busyness alone isn’t moving you forward. It gives you the illusion of movement, but you might just be spinning your wheels.
And when you’ve finally added so much busyness to your agenda that you can never keep up? You’ve added fuel to the anxiety fire – those tasks left unfinished and those emails unanswered must be the magic bullet, the path out of “never enough.” If you could just get to everything on the list…
The solution isn’t in finishing the list. If anxiety is going to take hold whether you “do everything” or “do nothing” the answer must be in the “do some things.”
And the question is, which things?
That’s exactly the question Barbara needed to ask herself.
We talked about how she often struggled with her energy and staying healthy, especially during the busiest times in her business. We’re talking back problems, headaches, exhaustion, unhealthy relationships, and more.
When we stepped back and looked at when she was the most healthy (physically, emotionally, and financially) she saw that it was when she was honoring the space on her calendar for self-care. Things like ladies’ night with her friends, a bubble bath, getting out in nature, getting 8-hours of sleep, yoga, and lunch – away from her desk with the computer turned off.
Her productivity, profitability, and ability to be present with the ones she loves were all dependent on her carving out time to focus on what mattered most.
But she thought she didn’t have time to slow down and identify what that was.
This is a recurring theme in some shape or form with all of my clients. They are successful, but there’s a cost. One that is not sustainable over time.
The one habit that helped Barbara to say “NO” more so she could build a business that sustains the life she wants to live, not consume it?
The habit of creating space in her day to think before launching into action.
She prioritized creating white space throughout her day to improve her creativity, efficiency, self-confidence, and relationships.
Ready to create a sustainable approach to success that inspires instead of exhausts?
Gift yourself the space to build sustainability into your life.
Pro Tip:
Set an alarm (a silent alarm) every few hours to remind yourself to look up and breathe, and proceed with intention.
Less can be the new more if we allow it.
Isn’t it time to adopt a less but better mindset?
Fear of Failure |
“Don’t fear failure. It’s as much a part of your journey to extraordinary results as success.” – Gary Keller
Welcome to the holidays.
And the home stretch of 2021.
(But is anyone else out there still typing 2020?!)
It’s a time of year that often prompts us to look forward. Make plans, goals, and promises.
There’s a lot to look forward to in 2022!
But sometimes having that much pressure to look forward can create stress. Even fear.
So then the question is, what do we do about that fear? What do we do with it?
Consider a few truths about fear:
Everyone feels fear.
You will never completely remove it. If you think you can, you’re setting yourself up for failure.
Our fears are a powerful force to be reckoned with. Fear can stop us in our tracks; it can inspire us to take action.
The problem is, our fears are often subconscious. That makes it difficult to determine what the fear is and how it’s holding you back from creating the life you want to live or the relationships you want to experience.
And so, again, what do we do about that?
If you’re asking me? You need to start by doing the work to name the fear.There’s (at least) three types of fear I encounter over and over with my clients.
Fear #1: Fear of Failure:
(The one almost all of us have experienced multiple times)
I will admit, in the first few years of my coaching profession, I experienced fear every single day.
I was not putting myself out there too far, too much, too loud, too…anything. I didn’t trust I had what it took, and I acted accordingly. I had a fear of failure.
In all of my other businesses I was “selling” a product. With coaching, I was selling myself. If I was “selling” me, and I didn’t succeed, what on earth would that say about me?
So, I would procrastinate (and second guess) before I would post an article, hit “Go Live” on Facebook, invite a client to work with me (even though I knew I could help them with the transformation they were seeking,) or apply to be a speaker, etc….and a great deal of the time, I would decide to do it another day.
But that “another day” came sporadically. And it limited my success.
The irony that a fear of failure creates exactly what we’re trying most to avoid, failure? Well, it’s not lost on me.
Here’s one of my favorite quotes that continues to inspire me to move past my fears and helped me step into the future I wanted:
“Fear Regret More Than Failure”
~ Taryn Rose
Fear #2: Fear of Success:
(Fear of rocking the boat)
This one will often raise an eyebrow when I mention it.
Fear of success, how silly is that?
Yet, when I speak with most leaders, they’re already So. Damn. Busy. Their belief is, if they take their business or career to the next level, it will completely consume them.
How will they be able to handle it, do it all, be present with the ones they love or prioritize effectively?
There is a very real fear that success will consume any tidbit of freedom left that we have in our lives.
My client Steve had set a goal of taking his business full time and quitting his corporate job. He was there – the business was ready for him to take the leap.
But he kept delaying the actions that would make it happen. It was confusing, but a self-sabotage I’m not unfamiliar with.
With trust and a safe environment in place, I was able to question Steve about what was going on. He admitted he was finally in a place in his life where things were good and he didn’t want to rock the boat. He was enjoying the moment.
And he feared that he didn’t have “it” to achieve the success he dreamed of. Steve feared pursuing his dream for the future meant sacrificing what he was treasuring in the present.
The truth is, Steve did have what it takes. And with some clarity on what he wanted his life to look like, we adjusted his goals and put a plan in place for him to stay at his job for another 8 months. This way he could relish where he was at in his business without feeling consumed by all that he felt he needed to do to launch full time.
The additional time gave him the space to get clear on what he wanted, and how he was willing to go about getting it.
There is amazing power in a strategic pause.
You get to define what success is for you. When you decide what it really looks and feels like you can then work backwards from that goal to strategically create a business or career that will sustain that life, not consume it.
The key is, you need clarity. Without clarity, we aren’t able to discern what’s an opportunity and what’s a distraction. We say “YES” to too much and bam, we’re overwhelmed, under water, and believing this is what success looks like.
But it doesn’t have to.
Fear #3: Fear of what others think:
(Being hooked on the opinion of others)
Years ago, not fitting in had serious consequences. If you really go back in time, being cast out of our community would often mean death. If we were no longer part of our tribe we were on our own… fending off saber-toothed tigers and other prehistoric predators alone (and probably unsuccessfully.)
Our brains today are still wired to keep us safe, on the constant lookout for what might cause us to move into fight, flight, or freeze.
80,000 years ago this kept us alive. Now, this is often enough to stop us from taking the action that moves us closer to our goals.
We are still wired for flight, fight, or freeze to keep us safe from harm, real or perceived.
I was working with a client on his leadership style and the change he wanted to influence on his office’s culture. But his boss was, shall we say, a bit old school, and my client did not feel comfortable pushing hard for the changes he wanted to bring.
He was unhappy, stressed daily, and unsure of his next step – he was frozen by his fear of what his colleagues and boss would think.
I asked him which was scarier, creating the change he was seeking or being in the same place next year. He took a long pause and finally said, “Being exactly where I am next year is WAY more frightening.”
This clarity alone inspired him to act and to become a more intentional leader who leads from his strengths rather than his fear.
When you unhook from what (you think) others are thinking, suddenly your vision of what’s possible expands. You set larger, scarier, goals…you connect to that bigger vision of your life and know you deserve it.
“Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world.”
~ Jim Carrey
Move past fear and Thrive (not just Survive)
Maybe by this point you’ve identified your fear. It might fall neatly into one of the three buckets, or it might span two (or all) of them.
Now you’re ready to figure out what you want to do about it.
Start here:
1. Be Curious.
When you find yourself thinking in absolutes, making declarations such as:
“You’re going to fail,”
“You’re going to seriously embarrass yourself,”
“I won’t be able to pay the mortgage and we’ll be homeless in no time,”
It’s time to pause and get curious.
What is actually likely to happen? What’s the worst case scenario? What would have to transpire, in detail, for that worst case to come true?
Play this out to the end game and see what your beliefs are then.
Is fear stopping you from being visible—putting yourself out there—picking up the phone—connecting with an influencer you would LOVE to talk to—etc…?
Naming what you’re fearful of happening (after playing it out) often shows us the reality of that happening/occurring is extremely unlikely.
2. Be intentional.
Pause and connect to the future you want and let that motivate you to take action (instead of fear leading to inaction.)
Schedule time to get clear on the life you want to live and let that inspire you.
Who do you want or need to be to create what you want/achieve your goals?
What do you need to let go of that’s no longer serving you?
Get clear on your core values… it’s how you chart your course through your fear. Your vision is where you’re headed, your values are how you get there.
3. Be the You who Future You wants you to be.
Fast forward and picture yourself at the age of 70-80.
What will be most important to you years from now?
What will you remember?
Don’t let your short-term fear create long-term regret.
Fear creates self-imposed walls for our success.
Our brains are hard-wired to keep us safe.
Our fears are meant to keep us safe.
But far, far too often our fears instead keep us small. Fear is meant to stop you, not inspire you to think and be bigger.
So your success comes not from listening to your fear and believing the story it’s telling. Success is in pausing long enough that you can listen to the most powerful and grounded part of you, your inner truth and wisdom.
Deep down you know exactly what you’re scared of and why. And you know what you want to do about it.
Success does not come from your fear acting as dictator. Your success is in what you make of your fear, and how you step out of it.
Could you use some support working through your fears and towards your dreams? Feel free to schedule a time to chat with me here.
Self Growth |
When I say the word accountability, what comes to mind?
Is the first word “trust?”
Probably not.
Yet, in reality, when we’re holding our teams accountable, what we’re saying is, “I trust you. You have what it takes to get the work done. I believe in you.”
Some of the biggest struggles I hear about from business owners are rooted in a lack of trust in their team and an accountability deficit. Very often they’re also displaying a lack of trust and accountability in themselves.
Typically these leaders have not yet realized the direct connection between those two values. What happens when you don’t understand the interconnected dance that’s taking place? You can’t ask your team to join you in it and you’ll struggle to effectively lead.
On the opposite side of the accountability coin, when we resist holding individuals accountable, we’re saying, “I don’t believe in you. I don’t think you’re capable.”
(Now, the last statement may be true, you don’t trust them. That is an entirely different conversation. And an invitation to figure out why you’re keeping a person who is not the right fit for your company.)
What does an accountability deficit look like?
A recent client, David, came to me looking for someone to help hold him accountable and move him towards being the leader he wanted to be for his staff, his future business plans, and himself.
His main challenge? We were in agreement there – it was that he didn’t trust his team. And he didn’t know where to start on changing that.
He wanted to get out of the day-to-day details and the DOING so he could work more on the higher-level vision, strategy, and growth of his business. Which are, as it happens, his areas of brilliance.
But David lacked confidence in himself as a leader and in his decision-making when delegating. Instead, he was spending his time – all of it, not just the workday – doing the work himself, not leading, listening, and empowering. He was burnt out, frustrated, and knew his team was following in his emotional footsteps.
What’s holding you back from trust and accountability?
The difficulty, more often than not, comes down to the need to be liked. Leaders who don’t want to be seen as overbearing or aggressive ultimately let their fear interfere with them inviting their team to step forth and do the job that’s expected.
Accountability is showing trust.
In your team. Trust they’re capable and willing to do the work, or capable of figuring out how to get there, and seeking guidance when they don’t. Most people really do want to do a good job.
In yourself. Trust that YOU have what it takes to lead effectively. Stop the second-guessing and shoulding.
This is graceful accountability. One that says to your team, we don’t beat ourselves up, but we don’t let ourselves off the hook.
Establishing authentic trust is a two-way street
The first plan of action for David was to gain clarity on his strengths and weaknesses so he could confidently delegate and trust his team – and himself.
He committed to try new approaches, to fail, learn, and do it better next time. And, to apologize when he was “that overbearing manager,” and then invite conversation.
David brought strength, transparency, vulnerability, and authenticity to his leadership.
He started trusting himself more and more as a leader.
He started delegating to his team more consistently, holding them accountable to their goals, their commitments, and their growth.
I’m thrilled to say that David’s original timeline for his plan, to have an owner-independent company in 10 years, has now changed to 2 years.
All because he was willing to do the work and trust. Himself. His team.
We need to trust that WE have what it takes to be a leader, and hold ourselves accountable, or reach out for support to be held accountable to our dreams.
How do you lead from a place of trust and accountability?
If you struggle with these same traps there are three shifts you can make that will set you up to be the leader you want to be.
1. BE Intentional.
Know the outcome you want. Get clear in your intention and your requests.
Ask for confirmation that your team understands what is expected, and when.
Do they have everything they need to accomplish their goal or task?
Is there a skill set they need to add or augment?
As Brene Brown says, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”
2. BE Curious.
Bring compassionate curiosity to the table, not criticizing. We all want to be seen and heard.
Ask, then listen with the intent to understand, NOT to be understood.
If a team member isn’t performing at the level we want, it’s often a result of an unmet expectation.
Let them know you’ve noticed things are being dropped and ask about it.
What’s getting in the way? Are they clear on the expectations?
When a team member is not performing the problem often is that many of our expectations are also uncommunicated.
Put the judgment on hold and look through the lens of curiosity. What’s really going on? How can you clearly and intentionally work through this together?
As my friend Betsy Clark says, “Civility brings solutions.”
3. BE Real
Pause and connect to the person you want to be.
Let go of what has not been serving you or your team.
Be transparent.
Notice, all three strategies are Being, not Doing.
We have the “doing” part down. It’s who you’re Being in the moment that is the rocket fuel.
So now, ask yourself, “What is the outcome I would like to see?”
Then engage your team in defining the path to that end goal. Frame the dialogue in a way that invites them to the conversation. And really listen to them.
I think you might like where you end up.
Time Management |
More freedom and ease, please!
This is the answer I consistently get when I ask people what they want more of.
And to be clear, it’s ease they’re seeking, not for everything to be easy.
A seasoned business owner recently remarked, “I just want to walk, not run all day long.”
Can you relate? Holy smokes, I can.
As a business owner, there are so many things that you can do.
Shiny object syndrome is real.
And it fuels your exhaustion and fades your freedom.
As a 29+ year entrepreneur, I’ve certainly learned a thing or two. For some reason, it was often the hard way!
I hoped that if I just worked harder and pushed more, I could eventually get to the other side, create more balance, and finally experience freedom and ease.
In case you’re curious, hope is not a good strategy. (Ask me how I know.)
During my time prior to coaching, I was a caterer. It was a fun job that allowed me to be creative, travel around the state, and build a very successful boutique catering company.
While I was successful, I was also working 10–12-hour days, often six days a week.
I was missing many of the activities my kids were participating in, things I cared about.
When my kids would come to me and ask me to do something with them, I’d tell them just 10-more minutes. When they wouldn’t come back and get me, I thought, “Score, I can get one more thing done.”
It took me a while, but I finally realized that I was NOT being the person I wanted to be.
My business was very successful, yet I was burnt-out, checked out, overwhelmed & exhausted, and at times, a bit prickly with the ones I loved.
It is possible to have both a thriving professional life AND a thriving personal life, simultaneously.
Both matter. Yet I think all of us have been on a journey at some point where deep down we know we’re sacrificing our physical health, our relationships, and mental health.
That was my journey.
I was working long hours and neglecting the people who meant the most to me.
And I had convinced myself I was doing it for them instead of to them.
As crazy as it sounds, I told myself that I was being present with my family even while my phone was in my hand when we were sitting on the couch. We were watching a movie “together,” and I was still in my inbox responding to clients.
Over the years as an entrepreneur, I’ve found that whenever I’m pushing, driving, and saying “YES” to more so I can finally “make it to the next level and just breathe,” it rarely happens. Even if it does, it comes at a cost.
In fact, that head down, shoulder in, masculine drive for more moved me further away from what I went into business for in the first place…to create more freedom, flexibility, and financial security.
That to-do list is like a fluffle of rabbits. It. Just. Keeps. Multiplying.
It’s time to build a business that will sustain the life you want to live, not consume it.
Interested in changing your To-Do list to a Success list so you can create more of what you want?
Here are 3 strategies to start moving you closer to the freedom and ease you desire:
Strategy #1: Pause for Freedom
Now, this may sound counterintuitive to you.
You’re probably thinking, “Lisa, for the love of Pete, I’m overwhelmed and exhausted just looking at my to-do list…and you want me to Pause?”
There’s some serious power in an intentional pause.
Not everything matters equally
We often experience overwhelm, stress, and exhaustion because we’re saying “YES” to something that seems like an opportunity in the moment. In reality, it’s a distraction dressed in the most clever of disguises.
If you’re not clear on what more freedom and ease in your day looks like, how will you invite more of it?
Pause and ponder this question:
What does more freedom and ease look like in my life?
**With specificity, not simply, “more time, a stacked retirement account, and someone to do the damn laundry for once.”
Strategy #2: Prioritize Ease
Let’s be clear, when you’re saying “YES” to one thing, you’re saying “NO” to something else. There is always a tradeoff.
There are 24-hours in a day. That is non-negotiable.
You wake up, and there are all these things you could do, all these things you could have, and all these things you could know.
Which means you have to make choices about what you want and how you go about getting it.
Refer to Strategy #1 above, then ask yourself:
What do I want more of?
What do I want less of?
Then, put your MORE list in order of priority (what you want most at the top), and unapologetically move into action starting with #1.
Strategy #3: Structure = Freedom
The creative in you is probably cursing my name right now. It’s ok. I still love ya and completely understand.
Here’s the thing, when you have more structure, it will be easier to pause, prioritize, and intentionally invest your resources (time and financial) rather than spending them. Investing provides ROI.
Spending rarely does.
Pause, Prioritize, and then Ponder this:
If what I want is more of X, what’s one action I can take today to ensure that my calendar (and checkbook) reflect that? What’s one action that will structure my time around that priority?
Here’s a favorite quote of mine by Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, and author.
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
As I said earlier, there’s some serious power in an intentional pause. Choose your growth and freedom.
Need some help figuring out what more freedom and ease is for you? Set up a complimentary 20-minute call so I can support you, here.
