I’m continuing my conversation of habits because they’re what help us create the success that we want in life, personal as well as professional.
One of the things I find that gets in the way of the success we’re working so hard towards is distractions.
Distractions are such a big part of our day, minimizing our efficiency and productivity.
One quick tip to help you minimize your daily distractions is to create a habit of moving any of the apps on your phone that constantly ding with notification to the second page of your phone (and turn your phone to silent).
When you can’t see the ‘you have 457 new messages” or hear the ‘ding’ from a notification you’re less likely to stop whatever you’re doing and check your phone without thinking about it.
How much time do you think you waste each day with distractions? Here’s a quick (and slightly frightening) insight for you about distractions and time wasted:
If you waste an average of 30-minutes per day with mindless distractions, that’s 2.5 hours per week, which equates to 10 hours per month, which turns into 122.5 hours per year (that’s with 3-weeks of vacation off your work calendar).
SO, just a quick and simple distraction, like checking your Instagram each time it dings, could quite easily be costing you over 3-weeks of work.
Let me break this down again:
30-minutes per day of distractions
5 days per week = 2.5 hours
2.5 hours per week for 49 weeks (accommodating for 3-weeks of vacation) = 122.5 hours
122.5 hours divided by 40-hours per week= 3.06 week.
Yikes.
What would the impact be in your business if you had an additional 122.5 hours per year to be productive?
How would it affect your focus, creativity, and productivity if you were to, let’s throw caution to the wind and say, use that 122.5 hours for self-care, so you had more energy for the other 46 weeks of the year?
Or spend time with your family? Contribute your time to a worthy cause?
Something to think about for sure.
So, to circle back to the habit…
Moving the little red dot that says you have 457 messages or hearing the Pavlov’s bell of your IG notification, and you won’t mindlessly pick up your phone and check them. Wasting 3-weeks of the year.
This one habit will help you be more efficient with your time so you can leave your office at a reasonable hour and improve your work-life balance (or as I prefer to say work-life alignment).
I did this for myself a few months ago, and it has been an absolute game-changer for me. I’m no longer checking my phone without thinking about it and I’m far more productive.
This one small habit of adding one extra step to access the notifications on your phone will help you minimize distractions and master your time management.
If this has helpful for you, please share this video with your team, community, or friend (who could use the extra time).
Pause for a moment and think about what you would do with that extra time. Then post a comment in the section below to let me know. I look forward to hearing from you.
Many people value the present more than they value the future; an instant reward often gets in the way. That reward is only a possibility in the future; it’s a sure thing at the moment.
Let’s use, for example, having a glass of wine at the end of your day- the enjoyment is in the moment, the cost is in the future. On the flip side, take exercise- the ‘cost’ of working out is in the moment (exercise instead of sipping a lovely glass of chilled rose), and the benefit is in the future (healthy body and improved energy).
Behavioral economists call this Time Inconsistency.
Do you have a habit that you’re trying to shift or change, and you’re struggling to be consistent? Pause and have a look if Time Inconsistency may be what’s happening for you.
When you’re working on implementing a new habit, the cost is in the moment.
Perhaps it’s struggling with healthy eating habits or picking up the phone to make the sales calls you know you need to.
Or maybe it’s establishing boundaries so that you can create the time structures required to help you say no to requests and distractions and yes to increased productivity.
Again, the cost of implementing the habit (boundaries) is in the moment (discomfort of saying no). In contrast, the benefit of it is in the future (better boundaries, less overwhelm, and improved relationships).
There was a time when I was struggling with implementing a new habit of minimizing distractions during my day so I could increase productivity (and decrease overwhelm). I was super busy all day yet made little traction on the goals that matter in my business.
I was stuck in the habit of checking off the quick and easy things on my to-do list (urgent items) before focusing on the activities that move the dial in my business (important items) because it felt good and was easy–and feltproductive.
Saying what I needed to do to break the habit was easy, but hard to implement consistently. Time Inconsistency had me in its grip. I was connected to the endorphin rush of watching my to-do list decrease in the moment and disconnected from the long-term impact of saying NO to the distractions and yes to revenue-generating activities.
Once I noticed what I was doing, with compassionate curiosity and no judgment, I was able to shift my habits to ones that support my success instead of consuming my day with busyness.
My new habits that support my productivity?
Not checking email before 10 am so my day doesn’t get hijacked
Moving all the apps with notifications on my phone to the second page, so I don’t see them and react like Pavlov’s dog (and it’s an extra step to get to them)
Starting each day with intention by looking at my big goals before anything else
So, if you’re having a difficult time implementing a new habit, check to see if
Time Inconsistency is tripping you up along the way. Then take a moment to connect to the benefit, the WHY, of shifting that behavior and implementing a new healthier habit.
Let’s use one more example a friend just asked me about and break it down:
Eating ice cream every day when you know it’s impacting your long-term health.
• Is it a particular time of day?
• After an especially hard day?
• Does a specific memory trigger you to reach for the pint of ice cream?
Knowing when or what the trigger is will allow you to set up a new habit and be more intentional rather than reactive.
For example, if it’s always at 7 pm, maybe schedule a call with a friend, or go out for a walk, or put on your favorite music for 20 minutes and dance.
Often the pause is enough for you to think about whether you’re reaching for it out of habit or because you just plain and simple, want a scoop.
Connect to the long-term outcome you’d prefer to have that’s different from what the ice cream gives you in the moment.
For example:
• A healthier body
• Decreased brain fog from the sugar
• More money to put towards a new pair of pants.
Here’s a quick 3-part structure to help you unhook from Time Inconsistency that’s getting in the way of your success :
1) Be curious about what your triggers are (without judging yourself),
2) Get clear on and connect to the outcome you want– to the person you want to be–and,
3) Gift yourself some compassionate curiosity as you shift not only your habits but also your image of the person whom you believe yourself to be.
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Do you struggle with creating an environment that supports your productivity? What do you need to navigate those internal, as well as external distractions that keep you from doing the work that you know you need to accomplish?
Minimizing distractions will help you be more efficient and effective, so you have more time at the end of the day and your relationships stay intact.
Here are three ways to improve your productivity:
Clear Communication Improves Productivity
Clear, direct, and respectful communication will help support and improve your productivity. Give the gift of transparency and let everyone at your office, home office, and home know when you’re working as well as what your needs and expectations are.
Things are shifting as we move into more remote work. It’s not always easy to find a quiet space so you can focus on your work without distractions. It’s your responsibility to start the conversation and let the people around you know what your needs are. When you do, it will decrease frustration, anger, and resentment, increase awareness, and improve your relationships. As Brene Brown says,
“Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”
When your communication is clear, there will be less ‘bumping heads’ or muttering under your breath. When everyone is on the same page, productivity naturally increases.
What communication, if you shared with those around you, will improve not only your productivity but your relationships as well?
Boundaries Protect Your Productivity
Boundaries are the bridge to more of what you want and less of what you don’t.
Establishing boundaries will support you in doing the work that you need to do so you can increase productivity and decrease overwhelm.
Just like with communication, transparency is key to effective boundaries. If you’re implementing new or reestablishing existing ones, be sure to share them with those that need to know.
Even a two-year-old will understand boundaries if you’re kind and consistent.
What boundaries will help you be more productive and effective, as well as keep your relationships healthy? How will you communicate with them? When?
Environment Impacts Productivity
Set your environment and yourself up for success.
Before sitting down to start your work, make sure you’re prepared to get, and stay, focused:
~ Go to the bathroom
~ Make sure you have a drink
~ Grab a snack
~ Turn off your phone
~ Hang a sign on your door (or back of your chair) that says to not interrupt you
~ Turn off all social media notifications. Yes, all.
Take care of the small details ahead of time so you can minimize distractions and maximize productivity. If you need a checklist, make one. Whatever helps you succeed.
Distractions, internal and external, can be sneaky. I realized this one day when getting up from my desk for the fifth time…in about a 30-minutes. I needed a snack, some tea, switch the laundry, or check a notification that popped up on my phone.
Here’s a quick and easy productivity game-changer:
On your phone, move your social media, texts, and email from the first page to the second. This one small tweak creates an extra step to get to them, so your less apt to pick up your phone and be distracted. But also, it’s creating an extra step to find the distractions.
We don’t need to make it big or hard. Keep it simple, and stay consistent. Experience more joy and less stress.
These are all very simple things that you can do. But let’s be honest, simple does not equate to easy so, one more tip-
Be less critical and more demanding.
That is, less critical of yourself and others, more demanding of compassion and curiosity.
Don’t discount simplicity. It can support you in being consistent, so you can make the impact and income you want by staying productive and not just busy.
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Shame. It’s a universal phenomenon; we all experience it at times. It can keep us chasing perfectionism, spinning in imposter syndrome, and sprinting into lockdown mode.
Recall a time when you experienced shame. It might have been a reaction to judgment by others…or maybe it was your own.
More than likely, you had feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness, and a belief that something is wrong with you. This belief is fertile ground for a lack of self-trust to take root, ultimately eroding your self-confidence and relationships, as well as business success.
Shame can often run our lives and undermine our success, but far too often, we keep it hidden. We’re ashamed of being ashamed…a big reason why we stay stuck in a cycle of wanting change but not asking for help.
Shame loves silence
What I know for sure is shame loves silence. I speak from experience.
There was a time in my life when, from the outside looking in, I had life by the tail; strong, confident, loving, straight-talking, and unapologetically boundary-bearing. Yet, in my most important relationship, I had given my voice, and hence self-confidence, away. Talk about imposter syndrome, lack of self-trust, and chasing perfectionism…and a mountain of soul-sucking shame.
My self-bullying was in full-on attack mode.
Diminished joy, lack of self-confidence, and unhealthy relationships (aka, lack of boundaries) are some of the more obvious impacts of shame. What isn’t always so apparent is how shame shapes your success in business.
It’s impossible to get the support you need (personally and professionally) when you’re too ashamed to admit things are not as they seem. So you sit in the discomfort of knowing something’s got to give but not clear on what and feeling too vulnerable to ask for help.
To others, it looks like you’re happy, confident, and successful but the reality is you’re white-knuckling it on the inside, needing help and (especially) a safe space to explore what’s going on for you.
Feelings of unhappiness and shame are hard and let’s admit, on the surface may seem easier to ignore; believing if you just worked harder, you’d figure it out. That rarely happens.
A few of the long-term consequences of not seeking help are a struggling business, low to no self-esteem, and unbalanced relationships.
3 Ways to Recognize & Remove the Cycle of Shame
Self-Compassion Will Release the Grip of Shame
You can’t have success without self-compassion.
It’s impossible to do the work necessary in business when sitting in shame and cloaked in imposter syndrome; lacking the emotional safety you need to put your ideas out into the world confidently.
No doubt, Maslow had it right with his hierarchy of needs. Before we can be motivated to move to the next level in our life (and hence our business), we need to have a foundation of safety so that we can try and fail and learn from the experience… then hit delete instead of rewind, stopping shame before it takes root.
Approaching what’s going on with a healthy dose of compassionate curiosity, and unhooking from judgment (mostly our own), allows you to let go of perfectionism and negative self-talk so you can explore your triggers and release them.
When you practice self-compassion, you’re more aware and less judgmental of your thoughts and actions, making it easier to pivot your focus in the moment and move towards what brings you happiness rather than into hiding.
You can’t become what you can’t overcome. Self-compassion helps get you there.
Do a Shame Reality Check
Our perception is our reality. What we believe to be so, is so for us.
All behavior is belief driven, thought driven.
Your thoughts have tremendous power; they determine your mood, your self-image, your actions…your success.
Can you think of someone who isn’t living into their potential because of their belief about themselves? What are your beliefs about yourself?
When sitting it shame it’s like looking at life through the zoom lens of a camera, all you can focus in on is your flawed self. It’s easy to get lost in the identity of your repetitive negative self-talk, distracting you from your goals.
Do a reality check and be vigilant about what you’re thinking. Is it propelling you forward or keeping you stuck? Bringing you joy, or bringing you down?
Creativity and aligned inspiration will flourish in joy and positive thinking.
Challenge the story you have going on that’s creating feelings of shame. Ask: is it so, is it true? Play your story out to the end game. More than likely, your limiting thoughts were the trigger, not your capabilities.
Clear Boundaries Put the Breaks on Shame
Our boundaries reflect who we are and how we relate to others.
When you’re experiencing shame, your boundaries (personal and professional) can quickly become ‘negotiable’ which can lead to resentment, anger, and frustration…and an overwhelming dose of, well, overwhelm.
Here’s a hard truth: most of the time when people push or ignore your boundaries, it’s with your permission. Ouch.
It’s your responsibility to establish and communicate what your boundaries are. Hard to do when shame has you by the ankles.
Boundaries are guidelines for yourself and what you’re willing to tolerate. Treat them like a gate to your most precious garden, guarding your business, your life, family, joy, fulfillment, safety, and success.
Establishing clear boundaries, with an intentional way to communicate them without apology, requires self-compassion, a reality check, and a clear picture of not only what you want, but WHO YOU WANT TO BE.
When you lack boundaries, you can easily become scattered, overwhelmed, and unproductive; creating a lack of self-trust and a sizable case of shiny-object syndrome (or procrastination).
The beautiful thing is, you can only take responsibility for how respectfully you share your boundaries.
It is NOT your responsibility for how the other person reacts…that’s theirs to own and work through.
As Brene Brown says,
“Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”
Be clear, kind, intentional, and unapologetic in your boundaries. It will improve your relationships, your business, and your confidence so that shame will no longer shape your success.
Strategy. It’s how we intentionally achieve what we desire, with more clarity and less effort.
Shoulding. Let’s admit, shoulding all over ourselves as we move towards what we desire is not only NOT working, it creates roadblocks and detours (and a whole lotta angst) along the way.
The more things we feel we ‘should’ do, the more overwhelmed we get and the less productive we become…this is often when procrastination and shiny object syndrome kicks in — ringing true for any of you? I’ll admit it does for me.
When we focus on the ‘shoulds’ repeating in our head, we can easily miss hidden opportunities.
How often do you have thoughts that play over and over, saying you should do more? For example, that you should exercise more, call your mother more, or blog more consistently.
Vision and Business Strategy
Or, perhaps you feel you should spend less energy on social media, networking, or friend that doesn’t support you.
We get so caught up in what we perceive we should and should not do that we lose sight of what we WANT to do, and WHY we want to do it. We lose our vision AND our critical thinking diminishes. This is when strategy gets eaten by shoulding for breakfast.
Here are three ways to stop shoulding and start getting into aligned action that will create a path to your success and happiness rather than adding to the pile of pungent shoulds:
3 Business Strategies for More Relief and Less Shoulding:
Business Strategy #1: Design Your Vision for Your Business and Life
You need a vision with goals for what you want before you can create an aligned action plan to achieve it…instead of a ‘shoulding’ list. Yes, you’ve heard me say this before, and I can’t stress this enough (for anything you want, personal and professional).
…and vague results can put us into full-on shoulding mode quickly. Things get real damn quick after a few P&Ls with vague results.
Defining your vision becomes a picture of the possible. It becomes a blueprint for an aligned action, a ‘buffer’ if you will, against shoulding, procrastinating, and adding more spinning plates in the air.
A vision supports you to make choices from a thoughtful, reflective place rather than a reactive ‘shoulding’ place. Can you feel the difference in that statement?
We seldom differentiate between the ‘day-to-day busyness’ (email, phone calls, admin, etc.) and the work of growing our business and achieving our goals …. because both are necessary for the survival of our business. Having a crystal-clear vision of what you want, helps cut away the non-essentials in your day and minimize the shoulding.
SUCCESS starts with focus…with your vision. With vision comes clarity, with clarity comes better choices, and better choices bring improved results (and less shoulding).
Business Strategy #2: Establish Clear Boundaries
You could have all the best business strategies in place, but if you don’t have boundaries that support you to (unapologetically) do the work so that you can achieve your goals, your strategy will not work, and you’ll continue to ‘should’ throughout your day, week, and year.
Boundaries are what define the edges for your business strategy, and hence, your business success. They establish what you will do and what you will not do. Boundaries create relief and spaciousness in your day, as well as help you unhook from the constant shoulding.
Business Strategy #3: Accountability
Get an accountability partner that’s going to hold your vision up for you to keep focused on so that you will continually make choices that are aligned with your goals.
Accountability to your vision and goals is what will be the magnetic pull towards your dreams, rather than a push which has resistance to it (shoulding has resistance to it).
Girlfriends are great, and oh so necessary. Can I get an ‘oh hell yeah’ on that one please?
Out of love, compassion, and empathy, girlfriends will often pour another glass of wine, nod their head in agreement and commiserate rather than hold you accountable to your dreams.
An accountability partner means making a personal commitment. You’re making a personal commitment to yourself, your accountability partner is committing to support you, and you her.
Find a mindful community, expert, or professional coach to be your accountability partner. Someone who has been there. They’ll help keep your eyes, actions, and words focused on your ultimate vision so that you can have the life, business, and career of your dreams.
It’s time for the shoulding to stop.
Need some help silencing the shoulding chatter in your head? I’d love to help. Comment below or shoot me an email.
