Anger. It’s a part of life. It’s a part of business. Yet, many of us seem to have difficulty with it. Acknowledging it. Expressing it. Even simply allowing ourselves to feel it.
We’ve been taught over the years that anger isn’t pretty. It isn’t feminine. That we’re ball-busters if we choose to express it. Some soften its reality by referring to it as “displeasure.” It won’t hurt us to name it and claim it. In fact, it will hurt us (and our business) if we don’t.
As a woman, I admit: it’s hard to fully embrace anger. We’re supposed to be the nurturers, the ones who take care of and soothe others—not the ones that speak up and ruffle feathers.
We all feel anger at times. Just like any other emotion, it’s a part of who we are. A piece of the whole woman.
Expressing anger can be perceived as aggressive and “cold”… extremely unappealing and totally unfeminine, so we tend to avoid it, at much cost to our Self.
We’ve not only been taught to avoid showing our anger, we’ve been discouraged to feel it, or even recognize it.
When we don’t allow ourselves to fully feel the emotion of anger, how on earth can we learn to express it in a healthy and productive way in any relationship?
And how can we live a truly authentic life if we’re not willing to show our dark not-so-pretty side?
Our anger scares us because we haven’t been taught how to effectively express and use it to create the change we need in order to work through our anger and let it go.
We’re fearful of going from one extreme (constantly suppressing) to the other (screaming lunatic).
So we avoid situations, discussions, people, our dreams, desires … life, because they put us in direct contact with our anger.
I invite you to think about this perspective: we need to walk through anger (and all emotions) from one end to the other to explore, feel it, own it, express it, in order to tame it. We need to know what all levels look and feel like to us so we can keep what supports us and let go of what doesn’t.
And ladies, let me be super clear on this: we’re entitled to feel, fully, each and every one of our emotions, and that includes anger. Everyone is entitled. That means others are entitled to their anger as well.
Not having been taught, or respectfully shown, how to express anger, we can be afraid of it … not only unsure of how to express it, but we fear how (and where) it might actually “come out”.
How many of you can name more than one or two women who own and confidently express their anger in a productive way that gets their point and their needs across? They own it, state it, use it to make change and move on, respectfully.
Anger affects us. It motivates us to do things or to avoid things. When we’ve been wronged but feel we don’t have the power, the words, or the right to speak up, we carry this into other areas of our lives. (Read about our Inner Good Girl here)
So we push it down, avoid looking at what it is we are actually angry about and then pick an argument about something totally unrelated to what set us off in the first place, and possibly not even with the same person that sparked our anger.
Not productive on any level.
Often we avoid anger because of the consequences it will bring. We feel we need to choose between expressing ourselves or staying in a relationship; be it romantic, family, friend, or business.
We question whether we’re “wrong” about our emotion … perhaps the other person is right and we are, in fact, the one who the anger should be directed towards. Read more about self-doubt here.
The more we turn away from and ignore our emotions—what our intuition is telling us—the more disconnected we become and we eventually lose the ability to recognize anger for what it is, an internal alarm letting us know something’s not right.
Ladies, this life of ours is not a dress rehearsal. None of us are getting out alive, so we may as well embrace who we are and enjoy it… Agree?
Where did you first get your messages/beliefs about anger?
What does it say about you when you’re angry?
Do you fear your anger? What is your biggest fear around it?
Where might you be keeping the emotion of anger safely tucked away?
Are you feeling ready to name and claim it? Perhaps I can help.
I’d love to hear your comments. Are you ready to explore the range of emotion anger can bring…feel it, own it, express it and tame it so you can create lasting change in your relationships? Click Here to download an application for a free Clarity Consultation with me and let’s get you confidently moving towards the life and business of your dreams, no!